The Fight I Fight 

The days I’m having,
aren’t ordinary ones, 
but they’re becoming familiar,
as this fight we’ve begun.

I’m angry as hell,
and shaking my fists,
but God won’t help me,
so why tell Him I’m pissed?

This weight getting heavy,
and my heart continues sinking,
when at night I’m alone,
and scary thoughts thinking.

What if I die – 
or, not if but when,
who’s gonna show up,
when my journey ends,
and love on my son,
like I love on him now,
and hold him tight when he weeps,
and show him how,
to do all the things,
we haven’t had time,
why should he suffer more,
he’s committed no crime!

Yet his aching continues,
as uncertainty grows,
and I don’t have the answers,
and I’m falling too low.

The thoughts are invading,
the fight I must keep,
exhaustion is winning,
as I continue to sink.

Depending on others,
I never was trained,
and having to ask,
just highlights the pain,
and fears that abound,
as lonely tears rise,
weak flesh in the mirror,
can’t hide from my eyes.

But if I could hide,
I’d run away with the night,
and escape all the hurting,
and give up the fight.

Poetry helps me, sometimes, navigate painful feelings. Some poems are reflections from the journey of others, but tonight this one is mine. You can read more here, but I’m struggling to make life work financially. I’m sick, throwing up almost every day, and unable to work all I need to.

I realize not everyone can join us, but if you can, we would be grateful. And if you can’t, please share the link with others who may be able to. 
https://www.gofundme.com/help-thats-hard-to-ask-for

Just a few of the medical supplies I have to keep on hand. 😩

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2 thoughts on “The Fight I Fight 

  1. Thinking of you today and saying a prayer that God will keep you in His watchful care. We love you Kaci “Padgett”.

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