It’s All Falling Apart

It’s all falling apart –
like leaves in the autumn wind,
shards of glass slicing open old wounds,
the chains, pulling tighter – 
It’s all breaking –
a fragile doll thrown to the ground,
lying helpless, limp,
no hope of recovery,
longing to be thrown in the trash, so the pain of daylight blinds no more. 

Disgusted. Finished. Forgotten.
I can’t tolerate the intimate,
my heart, exposed and vulnerable.
The Unknown(s).
Fear of what may be, the pain,
recovery, 
lonely,
Scared.

 This office, this couch, restless.
Nothing will soothe, nothing can hide, 
I’m spiraling and trying to escape.

It’s too much. 
It’s too much for me alone –
and it’s too much to allow anyone in.
Push Through.
I have to, I must, 
the only way I’ll be safe,
and avoid more shame,

Keep my head down and push through.
Don’t let them see me scared,
or sad,
or hurt,
especially scared,
they can’t handle it,
I don’t want them to try,
and fail.
It’s my battle to fight,
my burden to carry,
Just mine.
Just me. 
It’s all falling apart

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