Jumbled Thoughts

Running into a wall,
I didn’t know was there,
usually I’m the one who builds them,
while the world is unaware. 

It seems too much to hold,
in fear of space unknown,
and whatever decisions I am to make,
I make them all alone.

Reminders of pain, 
the lonely grief of this life,
but I’m not cut out,
to be a wife,
though long as I may,
to make that move, 
I’ve got too many duties,
for more I do’s.

I feel myself falling,
I can’t stop the spiral,
the demons invade,
their venom viral.

Soaking my pillow,
my tears like a river,
no answers from God,
I doubt He’ll deliver.

He sees that I’m knocking,
and hears when I call,
but he couldn’t care less,
never breaks the fall,
just stands by watching,
as his children destroy,
I’m nothing but a pawn,
a used-up toy.

I can’t make sense
of the present or past,
and I’m scared of which breath,
may be my last.

My insides twinge,
disease is spreading,
my hand going numb,
my dreams I am dreading,
for waiting in sleep,
my subconscious unfolds,
and plagues me with darkness
that remains untold.

So I toss and I turn,
til my eyes become weak,
as another aching tear,
finds its way down my cheek. 

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