When All Is Still

When all is still,
the rumble begins,
I try to slow my thoughts, 
but they’re racing again.
As the rain starts to pour
and pound the roof outside,
it’s nothing compared,
to this beating inside.

Standing on the edge 
of decisions unknown,
not sure of the road,
but will choose it alone.

No one can travel
this path for me,
nor into the future
help me see,
and I’m shaking and scared 
want to bury my face,
it seems again I have fallen 
too far from the grace
that others can feel
and know and see –
yet it’s too far away 
not meant for me.

Depressing as hell-
I can’t stand it myself!
Why on earth would I ask,
another for their help,
and bring them down further 
with a story of woe,
I don’t want their pity, 
I’m already too low.

I stumble for words,
my mind fills with worry?
with terms not defined,
my decisions seem hurried.

I lie here and wait 
there’s nothing I can do,
I can’t fix or control this 
and neither can you.
So I balance reality,
and smile at the crowd,
at peace I may seem –
but inside it’s too loud.

And everything is still,
except everything in me,
from the weight and the worry,
I long to be free,
but chained is my path 
and tangled it seems,
the best I can hope for
is peace as I dream.

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