This Battle I Fight

I don’t know what’s worse,
the fear or the sadness,
and figuring it out
won’t lessen the madness

This anger, this rage,
how long can I hide –
swallowed in grief
drowning inside
In the belly of this whale
it echoes, it’s dark
my thoughts are defeating 
I’ve missed the mark.
At least that would explain,
this fire I walk through, 
Punishment for failure –
just paying my dues.

This pain in my belly
In my side, a thorn
Stabbing at what
May never be born

This grief, overwhelming,
the fear even worse – 
To the same God you pray,
In anger, I curse

Uncertainty shows,
I’m gritting my teeth,
The lies that surround me,
You fight with belief,
you say that I’m lovely
I’m loved and belong 
But what if you’re full of it 
What if you’re wrong

Showing up is getting harder,
Facades are all breaking,
I’m flat on my face,
My heart is aching

No rest for this weary, 
No peace in the night,
He cares nothing about 
This battle I fight


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