It feels like an ocean swirling behind your eyelids
And you struggle to keep the flood contained
It’s hard to separate the past from your fears
But what good is another tear?
And rules don’t apply
It’s a crap shoot at best
Who is granted peace
and who dies a slow death
Another fucking night of ache
As you scream out to the sky
And whatever is in the heavens
Has no remedy or why
When truth feels more like fantasy
And lies cannot be separated
And every moment you’re forced to forge
Is nothing short of hated
“God, where in heaven or hell are you?
Did you create me for such despair?
If you’re really ‘ok’ with what you’re seeing,
I don’t think I want to be an ‘heir.’
I’ve confessed and pleaded for mercy,
for anything said or done –
Help me get out of this devouring place,
Or just leave me the hell alone.
Because I’m not sure what hurts more,
to feel abandoned and neglected
Or to be told that you’re actually with me
Then reconcile being rejected.”
There’s nothing a human can do
I ache, weeping awake –
And talk of hope and a future
Just seems a few decades too late.