Questioning Hope

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out
What it is I’m supposed to hold – 
The message carved into my youth
I’ve carried through to old.

For long I held the story close,
My walls fell to no muscle,
And if the pain became too great
I just increased my hustle.

And as a star goes shooting by
Its dust, a path, then gone –
Afraid if I entrust these thoughts
With shame, I’ll fall, alone.

But now this body, growing tired
My strength not there to win,
If I forsake the song of old 
Can I truly begin again?

Can you ever change the thoughts 
When answers never come?
I find a way to try again,
I’m not the only one.

I fall again, down to my knees
and wish I felt embrace –
As images scroll, my body remembers
My mind off on its race.

These decades aren’t on a switch,
At least not one I control,
Maybe it’s asking too much,
For peace and to feel whole.

Tis lonely under these covers, 
But safe and dark and warm – 
As many, with joy, live freely on,
I just try to survive the storm.

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