Dear Fat People Hater

“Brace yourselves…
I had a cousin just post a video on Facebook by this girl titled “Dear fat people.” I don’t know why I watched it, but I certainly won’t share it.

This self-proclaimed “sexiest comedian” with an obvious OVER-boob job proceeded to make fun of, bash and tell “fat people everywhere” how disgusting and lazy and out of shape they are, and then couch her abusive and condemning conceded remarks with sentiments like “because I care about your health,” and “I want you to be around longer.” She throws in a brief “if you have health problems I’m not talking to you, but…” And we know the truth typically starts at the “but.”

That’s almost the equivalent of the “if you loved me you would” statement that’s meant to pull on someone’s emotions and guilt them into action. It’s crap.

When I got pregnant with E – and for those who aren’t aware, I was slipped a ruffie, raped and became pregnant at some point during the 10 most horrific hours of my life. It’s not a secret; I wrote a book about it a couple years ago. It’s also not usually the story I lead with because frankly it doesn’t change who I am or how freaking awesome and what an amazing gift my son is!

At the time I was teaching kickboxing, step and spin seven times a week, but had a total previa and had to stop working out. I gained almost 100 pounds during the pregnancy, while simultaneously trying to manage the horrific images in my head, and figuring out how to prepare to become a single parent. I had a partner through most of it, but even then my emotions were all over the place. I couldn’t stand myself some days, much less him.

After E was born, if it wasn’t for my dad staying with me and getting up in the middle of the night to help feed him while I alternated pumping and mixing formula, I would’ve likely collapsed from exhaustion.

I managed to lose about 50lbs and then has fate would have it, on Mother’s Day of 2010, I was mugged at knifepoint. The encounter was fast, I was just a little physically sore afterward, but emotionally it was a different story.

As the man yelled at me, all I could think was “he’s going to rape me…” Over and over and over… and he didn’t. He took off, I ran into the office, locked the door, crawled under the desk and called 911. I was in shock and still shaking at what I thought was going to happen. I began reliving events from 5 years earlier and the only sense I could make of it was the reason he didn’t rape me, was because I wasn’t super thin and sexy this time.

The last five years my weight has gone up and down like a roller coaster, and each time I get to a certain point, fear grips my mind and a voice starts shouting “If I get thin again… I’ll get raped again.” Then usually, it’s not a dozen doughnuts or cupcakes, but I get sick on my stomach with stress, my headaches go off the charts and the only thing that eases either of those is a coke, and usually something carb-filled… But primarily coca-cola is where the sabotage calories come from.

So… I am a single parent, my father is disabled and I have been taking care of him, juggling doctors and lawyers while navigating the hellaciously criminal world of social security disability for YEARS, have suffered beside him through countless doctors who messed up one more thing and lied about it trying to save themselves, and been talked to like I’m an idiot by someone who practices medicine as if they got their medical degree from Fisher Price. (Skin tags are NOT teal in color!) I started and finished grad school with a 4.0 and yes I’m very proud of that because it was NOT easy. I taught 4 college classes in my first 8 months out of school, and started seeing clients in a private practice. I am currently coaching my son’s baseball team and most weeks manage to do laundry, grocery shop, cook, clean, fix things, manage our websites, help dad with doctors appointments and issues with his medicine. And if you’ve kept up with our story, you know our car is on its last wheel… (Visualizing that Jeep Wrangler Unlimited 🙂 or minivan with a DVD!! :)) And let’s face it, if we could get grilled salmon and vegetables for the cost of the $1 hotdog… of COURSE we would. But when budget is an issue, you have to get what you can.

I think it’s so important that therapists continue to do their own work, and grow in their level of authenticity, expertise and process even the daily hassles of life that come up and can interfere with their ability to be fully present with their clients. That said, I have an amazing therapist that has really been vital in helping me transform SO much of my life. I don’t think we are ever “finished” with growth.

But back to the main issue – I listened to this person talking about how fat people are basically lazy, disgusting zombies who are worthless to society, taking up too much space and useless except as a source of entertainment for a plastic, loud “comedian.”

I shudder to think how many eating disorders will be birthed after watching that garbage, or reading the comments in support of it. Suicide is already the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-24 year olds… I wish anyone this shaming and destructive was simply not allowed to speak. Unfortunately, it’s not illegal to be a jerk.

Think about what you laugh at… what you accept as “ok” because “well… it MAY be harsh but there’s some truth in it…” Try to look at it from another perspective and gauge how you would respond if facing the family of the one who ended it all because they had been bullied one time too many, and ridiculed by this kind of drivel.

I’m continuing to work on myself, and heal, and I think I’m doing pretty well considering what I’ve been able to share in these last couple of posts instead of hiding under the covers. In doing that work, I have also learned that people who spew hate like this are really hiding from their own insecurities. By focusing their hate externally they distract themselves, and others, from what they themselves are actually lacking.

Life is too short for this kind of shame and disrespect.

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