I don’t want to go to sleep
Where the bad guys haunt me
Where my guns don’t shoot
And the demons win
Where hate is always more powerful
And pain is ever stronger
And the wounds… the wounds just ooze and never heal
I lie paralyzed unable to awaken myself from this world of torment.
From a place my subconscious has constructed to only bind me further, deeper to this reality
A reality of a world that suffers greatly, and guides who have not answers but only thoughts or suggestions that offer hope in bandaid like forms at best
So maybe it’s not so much my dreams that frighten me, but the knowing… the knowing that I will, or should, wake up from them. I’ll wake up to a reality laced with pain and loss and hurt and excruciatingly unbearable feelings that never soothe and tears that never dry.