Giving Up

Cold and dark
and smells of powder
Not sure these damn voices
could be any louder 

 In the silence alone
I wait and I hide
None of you could know
how this aches inside 

Striving for years,
surviving at best
Unable to synch
my life with the rest

Peace is not found
I must create it myself
Yet assistance is offered
For those in poor health 

 The demons get loud
as they scream out their carol  Beckoning me
to look down the barrel 

 Terrified at the thought
and curious the same
They’d never understand
It would all be in vain 

Expected to suffer
barely breathing no sleep
Despised by the ones
Who my secrets do keep 

Wait for the moment
when relationships rotten
So the pain of a loss
Can soon be forgotten 

 Not what I had hoped for
Not what I had planned
But escape now I must
From my torturer’s hand 

 I know that you hope
And think there’s a way
But I’m scared that there’s not
And I’m running away 

 I hang on to your words
As I try to believe
Always wondering when
You’ll get up and leave 

 I wish that I saw
I wish I could see
Something different than pain
Someone different than me

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