I love it when people actually GET me!
Have you ever been talking to someone and realized… they’re not listening.
In fact, they could probably care less about what I’m saying and wouldn’t remember any part of this conversation unless I were to spontaneously combust?…
I remember I met an organist at a church one time who told me she and her pianist were frustrated with all the talking that occurred during the offertory. They worked so hard each week to provide a worshipful time of music only to have laughter, jokes, and anything but a time of reflecting on the joy of being able to give. One morning, the time came and in an ever so reverent, slow and quiet tone they began playing “M-I-C…K-E-Y…M-O-U-S-E”… no one EVER knew! The congregation in one accord clapped as they’d been trained to do. How sad!
I digress… just yesterday, I told a dear brother of mine, about when my best friend TJ and I were kids. We both loved to swim, although I knew ALL the different strokes and technical forms (just ask our girl scout camp leader 🙂 I passed all the tests) she was indeed more fearless. She would dive off the high dive, and though I would jump off of it, would never go anything but feet first. Shoot, I didn’t really like diving off the SIDE of the pool. (This fear came after a really bad incident attempting a back dive that took my breath away.)
But, being the competitive person that I am, I could muster up the courage as long as she would go first. If she would dive in, while the water was still moving and splashing, man I was right behind her just like an olympic star! Just didn’t like it when the water was still. Seemed it added too much distance. I know, I’m awkward.
When I went bungee jumping, there was something sick about standing that high with a shoestring velcro-ed around my ankle and a man watching the Chicago Bulls game saying “ok, 3,2,1” – I remember saying “woah woah woah… why are you counting down… that’s usually when something blows up. How about a nice ready GO!? And, I remember being so irritated that he was watching the BULLS play and not me plunging however many hundred feet it was.
I had to walk away and shake off the jitters and finally just run straight to the edge and JUMP.
I’ve learned that I am sort of a spontaneous person by nature…at least in some ways. I define “delayed gratification” as “wait til the shoes go on sale.” But in most areas of my life I truly do spend a great deal of thought, and seek wise counsel before taking most major leaps.
But, what I’ve also been learning is satan gets to me in the waiting place. You know the part in Oh The Places You Will Go that talks about the waiting place?… I HATE that part. I usually skip it. “Waiting for a train to come or a bus to go…” oh how my impatient heart screams!! It’s great if I’m on a picnic, or enjoying a walk on the beach, but if there’s work to be done, or a decision to be made, I want to be DOING not waiting. But, satan knows this, and it’s in those times when he wiggles in and finds his way into my thoughts and knows just how to play my fears against me.
Just this morning, I thought the bank opened at 8, but alas, it wasn’t until 8:30. Well, the bank was first on my list of many to-dos, so it was more efficient to just wait. Boy, I tell you a million thoughts started racing through my head of all I could be doing instead of waiting…
SO, instead of letting satan win THIS one, I blasted the new Hillsong album David gave me a couple weeks ago and learned track 5 – wow “SAVIOR KING” what an incredible worship song. I googled the lyrics and belted it out. I prayed for a few friends with some specific ‘heavy’ needs today, and then just kept singing. (That is until this older lady decided to get out of her car and start an “official” line. Well, Ms. Competitive was the first person there and I was like, heck no am I going to ended up waiting even longer than the rest of these cars that just arrived to the audition, so I jumped out and got right behind her. I was freezing in my t-shirt and flip flops, but I was in front of at least 8 people and only behind 1 and honestly, I was a little ill that I was waiting behind her because clearly my car was there first.)
I’ve had a lot of things come up unexpectedly recently that I’ve had to and need to make some decisions on. But, I find myself in that ever so nauseating waiting place.
Yesterday I was talking and praying with my brother & rabbi, Rob and he was encouraging me on a few very specific things.
As I was walking to my car, he yelled out to me, “Hey Kaci, when you’re ready, let me know… I’ll even dive in the water first!”
That was perhaps the most profound, and heart piercing thing anyone has said to me in a while. It was a clear “I GET YOU” moment. And not only the fact that he “GOT ME” but he was willing to get soaked on the journey with me!
He didn’t give me a 1, 2, 3,… 22 step process and send me on my way… he was ready and positioned to dive in FIRST!
I am overcome with joy today and realizing just how important it is to have people in your life, on your “dream team” as I call it, that will literally ‘dive in first’ and make the way to overcoming your insecurities possible.
It’s also so important that you do your own share of ‘diving in first’ for those who are stuck in their own ‘waiting place.’ You know, most of the time, it’s easy for me to ‘dive in first.’ It’s quite different to follow someone into the waters. But thank you God for allowing such incredible people in my life that will dive in ahead of me. Those who will ignore my plea to lower the key of a worship song because they believe in God’s power through my voice way more than I do. Those who put me batting 4th in the worst hitting slump of my life, because they believed in me, and were there to celebrate the homerun! Those who don’t see my tears as ugly or weak, but actually think that surrender is beautiful and want to soak it in. You all know who you are!
I am nervous as heck about what lies before me… but I’m ready to dive in!……………………………………… well, I mean, after you 🙂