People You Should Meet!

I’ve been blessed to meet some incredible people in my life.
If I were to list them all… this would be a novel, not a blog.

A few that are coming to mind for their own unique meaning in my life, in no particular order are: Dolly Parton, Robin Williams, Bret Allen, Gene Simmons, Richard Simmons, Randall Jackson, Michael Jackson, Robert Lindsay, George Lindsey, Reba McEntire, Autumn McEntire, Steve Cummings, Stevie Wonder, Taylor Swift, Taylor Sain, Donald Trump, Vanna White, Liz Taylor, Liz Thompson, and of course, THE Rob Touchstone…

If you were to “label” Rob, you would use words like devoted husband, incredible father, bible scholar, young adults & youth pastor and even rabbi.

I have been blessed to be discipled by Rob for some time now, as well as have him as a dear friend and mentor.

He has become more than a teacher, though he has given wisdom in countless ways, but he has become a big brother to me. And no, not the big brother you think about with the government that’s tracking your every move from a satellite far away, but the kind of big brother, that just has your back. Do you know what I mean? The kind of big brother you expect to tell you when you’re wrong, or point out when something green is stuck between your teeth, or who will screen any man you go out with, much less consider marrying, not to make life difficult for you, but to make sure they are worthy of spending time with his sister. The kind of brother that will “dive in” first…

If you don’t have a big brother like this… (or big sister) – go find one… pray for one, and see who might just show up on your front porch.

I’m working on a book right now that will explain more of how I believe God hand-picked my big brother and his amazing family for this incredible part of my story, and I can’t wait to hear your feedback. In fact, his wife is my little guy’s #1 Bible Teacher! She teaches them in such a way I am amazed at the detail he comes home remembering and the excitement on his face as he tells what he’s learned.

BUT, what I’d love to do right now, is share some of Rob’s incredible writings with you. Most specifically his new blog today, “The Two Tables.” He is an extremely wise and talented man as well as a very gifted writer. Do your brain, and your heart, a huge favor and check out Rob Touchstone’s Blog (just click on the link) and tell him I sent ya! It’s a Thanksgiving MUST READ!

Look forward to hearing your comments!!

Oh, what are you doing for Thanksgiving??

Speechless

Nov. 14, 2010 – wow.

Those of you who really know me, can probably come up with dozens of ways to describe me, however, I am pretty sure “speechless” would not be one of those words. (Labels:))

But tonight… I am.

Tonight, I “dove in.” Not only did Jesus hold my hand, but he wrapped His arms around me and gently lead me to a place He’s had waiting just for me, for many years.

A place where love, peace & REST are plentiful.

Maybe one day Ill be able to craft a song, poem, or a really long blog that will come close to adequately communicating the details to you, but for now, I am gratefully speechless & can only say, with certainty, that God is great, and greatly to be praised.

Sleep well my friends!

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Tune In!

What key are you living in?  Normally I like to sing in the key of E, play in the key of C and write in a way that theoretically doesn’t make much sense.

For the last few weeks in our Wednesday night Talmidim, we have been discussing really “tuning in” to God.  Getting still, focusing, intentionally having a “life of prayer” as opposed to a separate “prayer life” as we often times refer to it.

Without sounding too cliché, it definitely ‘struck a chord’ with me.  I know how awful it sounds when the G string on a guitar is tune to an A flat.  When it’s out of tune, even one string, a half step, it sounds terrible!  It’s that fingernail on the chalkboard kind of shreeeek.  So, I can’t help but wonder if the chaos that often screams and shreeeeeks as it clutters my mind, keeping me from focusing on what God is really trying to say to me, is just a matter of simply being out of tune.

Now, I’m not saying ta-da, I have found the solution to worries, fear, questions, why’s, and stresses of life, but at least for my “right now” I am intentionally trying to “tune in.”  It would be a lot easier right now to just un-plug and be done with it.  But I DON’T WANT MY MUSIC TO DIE!  There are still songs to be written, melodies to be sung and lives to be changed!  I can’t stop NOW!

Last night before our Talmidim began to “officially” hagah over the word, one of the guys told us about a mother who was here from China with her 18 month old son, Josiah.  It was just the two of them as the rest of the family was still over seas.  I’m still not sure the complete medical history, but what I do know is there are respiratory issues and he only has one ear, and even that one is not fully formed.  Ping (the mom) and her son needed a ride to an appointment at Vanderbilt this morning.  Immediately I knew, I was supposed to drive them.  My Thursday morning was unusually open and despite having a lot of work to do, I actually didn’t have an appointment until 1:00.  Right away, I said “I can take her” about the same time Mike also spoke up.  I don’t know if I looked poised for a fight but he quickly offered me first dibs on getting to serve this family.  (I say “getting to,” because it truly is an honor when God uses us to work in someone’s life.  “For even He did not come to be served, but rather to serve.”)

We exchanged numbers after our class & I got her address and time to arrive.

After chickening out on ‘diving in’ to a certain decision last night… I went home and got a call from Jonathan in our class.  He said that Josiah’s nurse would also need to ride with us.  Apparently as his nurse, she had to be “available” at all times to perform CPR. on him if needed.

“What have I gotten myself into?” I thought.  Immediately my heart turned from one of compassion to one of skepticism.  I just knew this was a setup.  The mom and “nurse” as she claimed to be, were really terrorist who for some reason thought I was America’s best kept secret and were going to squeeze me for information.  (Having an incredibly over-creative mind, is not always a fun thing! )   So, my survival instincts kicked in and I sent Mike an email basically telling him I found out the nurse had to come to and I wouldn’t have enough seats in my car to accommodate her and he agreed to take her.

About five minutes later I felt overwhelmed with guilt for lying about the reason, and especially to Mike.  Of all the people in the world someone would feel the need to lie to, it certainly would not be this accepting, on fire for helping people kind of guy.  So, I basically laid it out that I was just too doggone scared to.  I was blunt.  Mike, I was raped once.  I was mugged just a few months ago, and thought I really did want to do it, my body (and my incredibly over-creative mind) was working overtime against me.  And, those thoughts were more than likely being escalated by satan, knowing in that quiet waiting place, he could make things very loud and cloudy for me.)  I’m really not a psycho-paranoid person.  No really, I went to a doctor and they confirmed it. ha.  But I am definitely not normal!  (Thank goodness!)  I have been blessed with a couple extra doses of creativity and a mind that works at a very fast pace.  And though I am also haunted by some extremely traumatic events that bring about understandable fear, I also believe that satan would love nothing more for me to walk, or swim, in fear every minute of every day… because then HE wins.

As I was driving out to Nolensville this morning, I heard a song on the radio, I haven’t heard… in probably years.  Steven Curtis Chapman’s “I”m Diving In.”  Now remember, a couple months ago, we decided we weren’t going to believe in ‘coincidences’ anymore, and this most certainly was not one.  I quickly sent Rob a text and said “Guess what song is on the radio right now!!”  I knew he would call it!  The comment from him, the blog yesterday and now a song to really call me to “tune in.”  No coincidence.

Moments later I got a text back that said Mike was having an issue with his car and asked if I could still be available to take the mom, son and  nurse to Vanderbilt.  Really?!  I had already told Rob the night before about my fears.  You know it’s great to have someone you don’t have to ‘filter’ things with.  I have a few people like this in my life.  Some folks you have conversations with, others you have what I call “thinkspeaks” because very little thought goes into what you say, much less much ‘filtering.’  But Rob is one of those that I just have “speaks” with.  I rarely actually stop to see how I think something is going to sound, but rather just speak exactly what’s in my mind as it comes in my mind. 

WARNING:  SPEAKS ARE NOT ADVISED WITH EVERYONE.  YOU ARE HEREBY CAUTIONED TO INVESTIGATE FOR YOURSELF THOSE IN WHICH YOU FEEL SAFE TO HAVE ‘SPEAKS’ WITH.

But, Rob is one of the faithful ones, like Becky and Baley and a few others, that I don’t feel the need to have a disclaimer for what I say.  I am free to be me… whatever that means or looks like.

So, I was admittedly nervous about picking them up, still this morning, but as I “tuned in” to “diving in” I could feel the hug on my heart string to go ahead and take the leap.  After all, I had Mike & Rob, stirring the water to help give me that extra burst of courage, so I said yes!

I drove straight to Ping’s house where a very sweet nurse met me outside.  We exchanged pleasantries as I began to secure Josiah’s car seat.  I met the mom and we were on our way. 

The drive was short to downtown, but I did find out the nurse was from Portland, Oregon, home to the one and only Donald Miller (see how God whispers these subtle ‘ah-ha’s’ when you’re “tuned in” to Him.

We talked about Covenant Baptist Church, Oasis, but mostly about how I came to know the amazing men and women at Tusculum, including her neighbor in the adult Talmidim.

We arrived at the drop off point at Vanderbilt and I helped them get all the gear inside.  Then, I gave them a “Love Card” with my number on the back of it.  It basically says “Nothing Is Louder Than Love” on the front, and on the back something like “The greatest commandments are to love Jesus with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself… this is my attempt to do both.”   And it has the web address for Tusculum.  They are going through an entire series that is simply focusing on loving others, expecting nothing in return, and then being intentional about letting them know it is Christ’s love in you that is fueling your love for them.

It’s quite a different take on “random acts of kindness.”  These are “intentional acts of love.” 

It was an incredible experience to meet Josiah, a well-fed, dark haired 18 month old, who I wasn’t sure if he could in fact hear me or not, but smiled an adorable crooked smile when I made faces at him.  Just showing interest, across language barriers and hugging him, I could see the light in his mom’s eyes.

God’s a lot like that too.  He looks at what we sometimes see as our “ugly,” based on earthly standards, and calls us beautiful.  It’s the times when we fall on our face, weeping uncontrollably, in broken, full surrender to him (tuned in) or when we stop testing the waters and just dive in fully trusting if for no other reason but to be obedient, that I believe He looks at us and says, “Now! Now, I can really use you!”  I see running mascara, puffy eyes and the need for a Goody powder, Jesus sees a child that He fearfully and wonderfully made trusting Him.

Oh how I long to fearlessly be “tuned in” every second of ever day, 52 weeks, 365 days a year.  I can’t even begin to imagine the seatbelt I would need for that kind of God-Reality ride!

Did you dive in?  Are you going to?  My hopes are that at least for these last few minutes, you’ve thought about what you’re tuning into, and believe me, the truth is much more productive!

Take a minute and “Tune In” to this fantastic reminder that we should sing no matter what.  My good friend Todd emailed this song & lyric video this morning.  I was privileged to do all the harmonies on this and love how it spoke to me this morning!  Enjoy & I’ll let you know when the ‘real’ video comes out.

Click Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H_YoXat3hw

Dive In!

I love it when people actually GET me!

Have you ever been talking to someone and realized… they’re not listening.

In fact, they could probably care less about what I’m saying and wouldn’t remember any part of this conversation unless I were to spontaneously combust?…

I remember I met an organist at a church one time who told me she and her pianist were frustrated with all the talking that occurred during the offertory. They worked so hard each week to provide a worshipful time of music only to have laughter, jokes, and anything but a time of reflecting on the joy of being able to give. One morning, the time came and in an ever so reverent, slow and quiet tone they began playing “M-I-C…K-E-Y…M-O-U-S-E”… no one EVER knew! The congregation in one accord clapped as they’d been trained to do. How sad!

I digress… just yesterday, I told a dear brother of mine, about when my best friend TJ and I were kids. We both loved to swim, although I knew ALL the different strokes and technical forms (just ask our girl scout camp leader I passed all the tests) she was indeed more fearless. She would dive off the high dive, and though I would jump off of it, would never go anything but feet first. Shoot, I didn’t really like diving off the SIDE of the pool. (This fear came after a really bad incident attempting a back dive that took my breath away.)

But, being the competitive person that I am, I could muster up the courage as long as she would go first. If she would dive in, while the water was still moving and splashing, man I was right behind her just like an olympic star! Just didn’t like it when the water was still. Seemed it added too much distance. I know, I’m awkward.

When I went bungee jumping, there was something sick about standing that high with a shoestring velcro-ed around my ankle and a man watching the Chicago Bulls game saying “ok, 3,2,1″ – I remember saying “woah woah woah… why are you counting down… that’s usually when something blows up. How about a nice ready GO!? And, I remember being so irritated that he was watching the BULLS play and not me plunging however many hundred feet it was.

I had to walk away and shake off the jitters and finally just run straight to the edge and JUMP.

I’ve learned that I am sort of an impulsive person by nature…at least in some ways. I define “delayed gratification” as “wait til the shoes go on sale.” But in most areas of my life I truly do spend a great deal of thought, and seek wise counsel before taking most major leaps.

But, what I’ve also been learning is satan gets to me in the waiting place. You know the part in Oh The Places You Will Go that talks about the waiting place?… I HATE that part. I usually skip it. “Waiting for a train to come or a bus to go…” oh how my impatient heart screams!! It’s great if I’m on a picnic, or enjoying a walk on the beach, but if there’s work to be done, or a decision to be made, I want to be DOING not waiting. But, satan knows this, and it’s in those times when he wiggles in and finds his way into my thoughts and knows just how to play my fears against me.

Just this morning, I thought the bank opened at 8, but alas, it wasn’t until 8:30. Well, the bank was first on my list of many to-dos, so it was more efficient to just wait. Boy, I tell you a million thoughts started racing through my head of all I could be doing instead of waiting…

SO, instead of letting satan win THIS one, I blasted the new Hillsong album David gave me a couple weeks ago and learned track 5 – wow “SAVIOR KING” what an incredible worship song. I googled the lyrics and belted it out. I prayed for a few friends with some specific ‘heavy’ needs today, and then just kept singing. (That is until this older lady decided to get out of her car and start an “official” line. Well, Ms. Competitive was the first person there and I was like, heck no am I going to ended up waiting even longer than the rest of these cars that just arrived to the audition, so I jumped out and got right behind her. I was freezing in my t-shirt and flip flops, but I was in front of at least 8 people and only behind 1 and honestly, I was a little ill that I was waiting behind her because clearly my car was there first.)

I’ve had a lot of things come up unexpectedly recently that I’ve had to and need to make some decisions on. But, I find myself in that ever so nauseating waiting place.

Yesterday I was talking and praying with my brother & rabbi, Rob and he was encouraging me on a few very specific things.

As I was walking to my car, he yelled out to me, “Hey Kaci, when you’re ready, let me know… I’ll even dive in the water first!”

That was perhaps the most profound, and heart piercing thing anyone has said to me in a while. It was a clear “I GET YOU” moment. And not only the fact that he “GOT ME” but he was willing to get soaked on the journey with me!

He didn’t give me a 1, 2, 3,… 22 step process and send me on my way… he was ready and positioned to dive in FIRST!

I am overcome with joy today and realizing just how important it is to have people in your life, on your “dream team” as I call it, that will literally ‘dive in first’ and make the way to overcoming your insecurities possible.

It’s also so important that you do your own share of ‘diving in first’ for those who are stuck in their own ‘waiting place.’ You know, most of the time, it’s easy for me to ‘dive in first.’ It’s quite different to follow someone into the waters. But thank you God for allowing such incredible people in my life that will dive in ahead of me. Those who will ignore my plea to lower the key of a worship song because they believe in God’s power through my voice way more than I do. Those who put me batting 4th in the worst hitting slump of my life, because they believed in me, and were there to celebrate the homerun! Those who don’t see my tears as ugly or weak, but actually think that surrender is beautiful and want to soak it in. You all know who you are!

I am nervous as heck about what lies before me… but I’m ready to dive in!……………………………………… well, I mean, after you

Thank You!

Thank you all for your sweet emails! You’ve made this birthday incredible.

I am one happy and blessed girl!

Can’t wait to make memories with you all!

Kaci
www.kacillen.com
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Memorable Scene at the Post Office

I want you to read “Stacey’s Story” – so I’m keeping this blog short… it’s the next one down::

Today, I thought I’d share a “Memorable Scene” with you!!

I got bored in line at the post office… it was a 30 minute wait!! I am not one of those people who can stand and stare at the back of someone’s head, so naturally I was looking for something to get into.

Seeing no hot pink feather boats, I did see there was a copy machine and the Sign on it said ONLY $.25! So, I popped in a quarter & copied my hand… LOL, it made a “Memorable Scene” for all the other line-waiters! ENJOY, and share!! Better yet… go make a “memorable scene” of your own!!

‘Stacey’ Woke Up

I prayed all the way to Vanderbilt tonight. I wanted so badly to visit “Stacey” and see how she was doing, and if her family needed anything. I wondered all the way there what they’d be like. Would they think I was just some dork candy striper, or would they really be receptive to my heart and desire to show love to their daughter.

I prayed for the words to say, I prayed to be accepted (rejection stinks, especially when you feel like you’re where God wants you to be.)

It seems like the elevators were in slow motion as I waited, pacing, anxiously getting more and more nervous with each passing minute.

I finally reached the 8th floor and made my way down that long hallway clad with nurses and surgeons to the left and patients to the right.

I saw a team of surgeons doing what appeared to be an emergency intubation in one of the rooms, but I’m not 100% sure.

Alas, I arrived at Stacey’s room. Her mom was asleep and her dad sat at bedside, obviously weary and needing rest. I knocked & asked if he was her dad, and introduced myself.

See, Becky’s sister, works with Stacey’s dad and that’s how we found out she was there.

After some small chat, he told me her kidneys were not functioning and she needed a lot of prayers. On a good note though, she hadn’t eaten in 6 days, but she had in fact eaten some lunch and dinner tonight. Stacey’s headed the right way, but still has a long road ahead of her.

Then the moment of truth.

I briefly explained this “21 Day Challenge” and how so many of you had joined in, matching the original $10 and that I had been instructed to bless someone with the money.

I reached into my pocket and pulled a portion of the cash out. (I still have some left in the paypal account that I will transfer out and give to someone too, but I gave all the cash we’ve collected to date. I told him I knew what it was like having both my son, and before that, my dad in the hospital for weeks at a time. I know how financially draining that could be, even with just the meals you have to cover while you’re there, not to mention missing work.

I handed him the money and his first reply was “I feel bad taking this.” I replied, “Don’t feel bad, its not MY money, well, $10 of it is. But this money was given by individuals from several states and even several churches and it’s God’s money. We were told to multiply it and bless someone, our purpose being to save lives.”

I prayed over Stacey and when I was done, with teared up eyes, her dad hugged me. About that time Stacey, who had not opened her eyes and was out of it yesterday and again today, started to stir. He immediately asked what she needed. She wanted to turn over to her back, but she was so weak she couldn’t do it along. I asked if I could help him but he assured me he was fine.

I watched this incredible dad balance the desire to pick her up and move her with the wisdom of knowing that pushing her to use some of her own strength through the pain was necessary for making her stronger. (Stop for a minute and imagine any trials you’re going through that God won’t just “fix” for you. MAYBE he knows that we need to exercise certain muscles so we can become stronger, or even find healing.) Wow!

When he finally got her situated, he said “Stacey, this is Kaci, she came to check on you and pray with you.”

She said “Hi,” and stretched out her hand. I of course immediately took it in mine. She opened one eye, the other bruised and too weak to open and barely able to talk, managed “Thank you.”

I was able to share a little of my story with her. I told her I knew what it was like to drive down 65 and want to run my car off a bridge and just end it all, make all the pain go away. I think her dad was shocked my level of realness with this “stranger” but stood quietly watching his daugther staring at me. She whispered “me too” and I felt her squeeze my hand.

Her dad said “God’s got a great purpose for this girl’s life, or he would’ve already taken her.”

I said “yes, I believe he does! I know though when I was going through my own hell I couldn’t see that and didn’t really believe it. But I held on. I just held on. And Stacey, I believe with all my heart that if you’ll just keep holding on, you will see that purpose revealed to you in a powerful way! And I want to help you keep holding on. I know there times people told me things would get better and I told them they’d have to believe it for me because I couldn’t right then. I want to be there for you to believe for you when you can’t wrap your mind around something and help you keep holding on. I have no agenda, I have just been through a lot of pain myself and only want to help you see the great purpose God has for you. Your dad has my number. If you need to call and scream, if you need to pray, or if you just want to call and cuss, I can handle all of that and want to be here for you.” She laughed when I said cuss.

I am in awe that God allowed me to make a girl, who had 2 days earlier tried to kill herself, that was in critical care ICU, with kidneys that weren’t functioning and unable to turn herself over in bed, much less stand on her own, LAUGH! There is nothing about that, that is “normal!” Thank God!

I told her I thought we were near the same age and she said “I’m 29. I asked when her birthday was and her dad answered July 22nd. I said “Stacey, I want to make plans right now to celebrate your 30th birthday with you, because its going to be an incredible one!”

I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the whole night was!

They thanked me, and asked that we all continue to pray for her healing.

I said I would like to try and come check on them, and her dad said, “You are welcome to come back anytime and we’d like that.”

I left, and re-traced my steps down the long walk in the ICU hall and it took everything in me to not fall on my face, and break down in tears. My heart was crying on the inside. I was walking, thanking God and praising Him. Thanking Him for the family and friends in my life and for sparing Stacey’s!

This is a critical time in her life. Medicine says she may not recover from this. Right now, its all in limbo. But I know a great physician that can beat any odds medicine or man gives… Just ask Lazarus!

Please commit to praying for Stacey’s physicall, as well as emotional and spiritual healing.

These last few weeks have lead us into some pretty incredible situations don’t you think?

This is only a “launch pad.”

I do know this family would appreciate the support for meals, gas and help with time off from work too.

I feel like anything else that is donated via http://www.kaciallen.com/21.html should go, 100% to Stacey’s family. So if you haven’t yet, please log on and give from your blessings.

Since I launched my 1st blog as part of a “21 Day Challenge” to ROCK the world of the more than 21.8 million children being raised in single parent homes as well as the parents themselves.

I am still very passionate about this, but I’m finding I’m more passionate about simply helping hurting people start to find healing. I remember asking for “Steps to healing” and that’s different for everyone. But surrounding yourself with the right people to love, support and build you up, is necessarily vital.

Thank you for joining “our story” as we help Stacey start a new chapter.

13 Days… Starting Now!

nashvillewriter @live.com

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Critical Care

I had no idea when I got up this morning, I would end up at Vanderbilt’s Critical Care Unit Early this morning I got a call from one of my dearest friends, Becky, saying that a daughter of a friend of hers had attempted suicide last night. She was only 29 and her family had not yet made it to her side.

We’ll call her ‘Stacey.’

I don’t know the details of Stacey’s ‘story’ yet, but I kept thinking, 29 years old and the best option in her mind was to take her own life. To end it all.

Can’t say I’ve never considered that. In fact, I’ve had thoughts that maybe this world would be better off without me. I’ve wondered if an insurance policy might be more beneficial than my taking up space. I’ve even felt so incredibly alone that I wondered if anyone besides my parents, would really even miss me. I was so devastated when my granny died, I wanted to crawl in the casket with her.

I know, I’m not normal. Besides,
If you’ve been reading, you know that “normal” is not something I ever want to BE!

I was nervous about going to visit a young woman I’d never met. Especially at such an incredibly tough spot in her life. Her barely spared life. I mean, when you think about it, a Critical Care Unit isn’t exactly where you think of going to make friends. But maybe it should be.

In fact maybe that’s how we should seek out relationships. Instead of trying to befriend those who could do something for us, maybe we should make a permanent switch to seek out people we can just love. We can encourage them, build them up, give them hope, change their perspective.

Other than my all time best friend, TJ who’ve I’ve known since birth, the best friends I’ve ever had have been those who, in spite of my mess, chose to love me. In doing so, they let their guard down about their own mess and I was able to reciprocate love right back to them. A bunch of messy lovers you could say. But isn’t that how it should be? Sure beats the superficial plastic garbage!

We got to Vanderbilt so fast today, it was as though Becky was flying down the interstate. I was still rehearsing what I might say, and envisioning what we would see.

I was wrong on all accounts.

When we arrived we had to wait on the administrator to check the room. While we waited, I looked out the window down about 3 or so stories below where families huddle in groups waiting for news of their loved ones.

I saw surgeons giving info, and some families thanking them. One imparticular family as soon as they saw the surgeons walking toward them, still head to toe in scrubs, rise to greet them. I saw a man trying to take in all the facts, while the rest clinched hands, and what appeared to be a mother or grandmother, cover her mouth in an attempt to not burst into tears.

Finally it was our time to go back to see Stacey. We were given instructions to wash our hands at the sanitize station, and were then led down a long hall.

There were critical care nurses and monitors and crash carts all along the hall to our left, and directly across from each were the patient rooms.

I saw tubes, intubated men and women, some in comas, some who were obviously being kept alive by technology. I mean, if you’ve ever seen the movie Steel Magnolias, the very end when Shelby is in the hospital and her lifeless body is lying there, the machines breathing for her and her family just watching, hopeless. That’s a good image of what it was like; minus Weezer.

When we walked into Stacey’s room, she was not intubated which was a major relief. She was however non-responsive, in a deep sleep. Her kidneys and liver had started declining even more and were not functioning properly.

But what I did see was a beautiful girl, such a gift to this world and I was sorry I had not met her before now. She was lying on her left side, with a pillow propping her up and her hand resting on it for comfort. She was so still, the only sign of life was her breathing.

Becky fell on both knees, took my hand, touched Stacey’s arm and started praying. Actually, I think we’d both pretty much been praying since before we even parked the car. Then, I knelt on the floor by her bed, and rested my other hand on her leg.

Our hearts were completely broken by what we were experiencing. The tears were so overwhelming at times it was hard to speak. Here we were, laying hands on a beautiful, precious young woman who aside from a miracle could’ve just as easily been dead and not in a hospital. I don’t know if she could hear us or not, but it was as if my soul was screaming out to her spirit to fight! Fight, Stacey, FIGHT!! You have to come out of this.

I was upset that she would try and take her own life. I was mad that she didn’t get help. I was angry that of the 5 million churches and 5 billion Christians in this city, plus all the other organizations, fellowships and communities that no one had reached out to her, at least not enough. And, I was furious that she had been plagued with so much pain that this seemed like the best option.

I wanted to hug stacey. I wanted to kiss her forehead as I do my son’s just to tell him I love him. I wanted to sing to her. I wanted her to physically feel Christ wrapping His arms around her and absorbing her pain.

I prayed over Stacey. Though I’m not sure what I prayed. I know in my spirit I was thanking God for so many people in my life that bring hope and encouragement and like you, support.

I remember Pastor Hardwick saying one time after visiting some tough situations that he could never do the things these people had done. Then he told us how someone interrupted him and said, “Under the wrong circumstances, you, too, are capable of anything.”

I realize that Stacey could be any of a number of us. If you don’t think so, maybe life hasn’t gotten tough enough yet, and I pray it won’t! But, if we’re honest with ourselves, I think most of us at some point would admit to wonder, at least, if we had the strength to go one, or if we even had a purpose in life anymore.

I want to go see Stacey again tomorrow. I want to meet her family and pray that are open to my loving on them out of a pure desire to be even a little bit of what I believed we’re called to be.

I want YOU to commit to praying for this beautiful girl. Stacey, you are SO worth it!!

I want YOU to continue lifting us up as this “21 Day Journey” winds down in a couple days.

I am blown away by the things God has revealed to us and the “stories” we’ve connected with.

I am not longer wasting the pain I have been through, but am rather choosing to let it be comfort, hope and even a way to cut through the small talk to build deeper relationships & pierce through what once were impenetrable barriers.

I’m not sure how to close this, except to say I am speaking victory and peace over each of you tonight as you read this.

“May the Lord bless you and keep you; may He make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you; may He lift up His countenance (smile) on you and give you peace.”

www.kaciallen.com/21.html

Thank you for joining “our story” as we write an incredible new chapter!

5 Days… Starting Now!

nashvillewriter @live.com

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Please visit www.kaciallen.com/21.html to join us!

Goose Bumps!

Goose bumps! A couple nights ago, one of my neighbors mentioned there was a girl about my age with a new baby at home just around the corner from us. She said she thought she might be a single mom too.

Well, you know me, always eager to meet people, so, as little man and I went for a walk tonight, we decided to ring the bell.

Sure enough, we met an awesome gal and the cutest little 5 month old girl you ever did see!

We didn’t stay long, just exchanged introductions and such, but I did find out, she knows the owner of the jeep personally. When she told me, I got goose bumps. WOW. God is bring people into my life for a reason. There is definitely a reason for our paths crossing. Maybe just being there for each other. Who knows. I sure do wish I had known more mommy friends back when E was a baby. I’Ashea was really the only friend that understood what I was going through.

What I’m most excited about is that I’ve met a new friend that’s going to experience some of the same mommy hood experiences I have & she seems so nice I can’t wait to get to know her.

And, if we hadn’t gone for a walk tonight and took a chance on ringing a doorbell, we may not have ever met.

Since I launched my 1st blog, September 1st, as part of a “21 Day Challenge” to ROCK the world of the more than 21.8 million children being raised in single parent homes as well as the parents themselves, I have met so many incredible people, including several single parents. It feels really good to be reminded that I’m not alone!! Read “Write… Live a Better Story” or “Donald Miller Hugged Me” for specific details.

It’s not to late to be a part of the journey…
www.kaciallen.com/21.html

Thank you for joining “our story” as we write an incredible new chapter!

6 Days… Starting Now!

nashvillewriter @live.com

www.kaciallen.com
www.twitter.com/kaciallen
www.facebook.com/kaciallen
www.myspace.com/catch23kaci

Please visit www.kaciallen.com/21.html to join us!

I AM A PROMISE!!

“Busy People See Fewer Waterfalls.” I got this tweet from Bob Goff, who intentionally lives a life of memorable scenes and is constantly writing a better story for those around him.

I was thinking today about how busy I have been. Work, home, church, being mom, music, and writing, all while trying to pay the bills and start a revolution to change the lives of kids being raised by single parents.

I was talking with someone earlier who told me they didn’t really foresee me actually getting anywhere by asking for people to match the $10 and help make a difference in the lives of single parents. They told me, too many women just sleep around and get pregnant and then expect everyone else to take care of them.

It really frustrated me, but I sort of understand what she was trying to say.

At the same time, it was discouraging to me. I mean, I know for a fact people that don’t know my whole story have looked at me and thought; “harlot.” And it burns me up because there are tons of ways for one to become a single parent. True, one way is to sleep with as many people as you can and eventually one of them will have a good swimmer at the right time that makes it across the finish line and BAM, mom-to-be!

There are also soldiers that have gone off to war and never returned home, leaving small children, sometimes, even a pregnant wife. Divorce. Rape. Tragedy. Adoption. Artificial insemenation. Abandonment. And then there are the single dads!! Their number isn’t as great, but I know plenty of them and the fight with all they have to provide a great life for their little ones.

But despite all those possibilities, one thing doesn’t change, there’s a baby or a child that never asked to be born into a tough situation, they just developed and God stitched them together and made them uniquely wonderful. These are precious lives FULL of purpose and possibility!

When I was 4 I sang in a talent show this song called -”I Am A Promise”

It went something like this:
“I AM A PROMISE
I AM A POSS-I-BILI-TY
I AM A PROMISE
WITH A CAPITAL ‘P’
I AM A GREAT BIG BUNDLE OF
POTENTIALITYYYYYY

AND I AM LEARNING
TO HEAR GOD’S VOICE
AND I AM TRYING
TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE
I AM A PROMISE TO BE
ANYTHING HE WANTS ME TO DO”

And so are these kids!

I guess those that don’t understand it must’ve just had the most incredible parents, the best childhood, never wanted for anything and life has just been perfect for them from day one.

Well, if that’s you, I’d say one of two things, ‘get real’ or ‘get ready!’

Get real and stop hiding from how things have REALLY been like for you, or get ready because if it hasn’t already, the “shitake” is gonna hit the fan at some point. (Hey, I got the shitake part from a preacher friend of mine & thought it was funny when I read it!)

Before I became a single parent, I had a lot of misconceptions about “how they got there,” that were just naïve. I am not sure I would’ve given $10 to a stranger
To go help them out. But now, there aren’t enough $10s to go around because I long so badly to one by one help these parents re-write their story in such a way that their children soar in life and grow up responsible men and women who are walking in their purpose.

Tonight I’m having trouble proofing this. I have had such a bad allergy attack/ sinus infection its making it hard to see. I actually fell asleep while typing, sitting up.

I do know this, we are very limited on the number of days left in our challenge.

Friday evenning, Nicole (an incredible woman I met in our Talmidim small group that meet on Wednesday) and I are going to stop being so busy, and are going to look for waterfalls!

We are going to seek who we can miniter to, and discover God’s vision for this challenge.

** There is still time to be a part of this!! Please join us here::: www.kaciallen.com/21.html

Please email directly with your thoughts and ideas.

Remember,… You ARE a promise FULL of ability!!

7 Days… Starting Now!
Goodnight!

nashvillewriter @live.com

www.kaciallen.com
www.twitter.com/kaciallen
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